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My father just e-mailed me. He opened my bank statements, and he noticed that I don't have any money. One month out of college, and I'm already failing at life.

When I'm at work, I often fantasize about a just world in which people with the worst jobs earn the most income. I call it the Post-Revolution Income/Shittyness Function:
If corporate CEO's want money so bad, they can spend eleven hours serving food and scrubbing dishes without a break. And lazy workers can sign up for low-paying jobs where they sit in spacious offices and talk on their cell phones. It makes sense if you think about it.