My first boss

Was talking with H. about my first boss, Kara, the coolest boss I've ever had. Sometimes, I think my unrealistic expectations for workplace behavior stem from the experience of working for Kara.

Kara hired me on sight, based on her instincts. I walked in to inquire about the help wanted sign, and she said, "Can you start tomorrow?" While she may have incorrectly assessed my work ethic, she was right that we would get along great. We both hated big corporations -- including the one we worked for -- and we both loved to break rules.

Kara used to turn off the required store music and blast The Grateful Dead on the store speakers. She also introduced us to 70s funk music. We did enough work to run the store -- unpacking merchandise, helping customers, and working the registers -- but we allowed the shelves to remain messy ("Customers will just fuck it up again"). We hated the regional manages, and we happily ignored company policy.

For example, we loved to violate the dress code: "I told them to change," Kara would sigh dramatically, "but they told me to go fuck myself!" (Of course, we had appropriate clothes on hand in case the regional manager made a surprise visit.)

When Kara gave her two weeks notice, we all took a two week paid vacation. We sat around doing absolutely nothing, just talking about life. Kara told us about her family, her ex-boyfriends, her road trips. We were women of all ages, but we talked about everything like friends. Drugs, sex, whatever.

On Kara's last day, we were all crying. We gave her gifts, and bought a cake. I made her a card with a picture of the store burning down (I photoshopped flames and everything).

After Kara quit, working retail quickly began to suck ass. The new manager was strict, bossy, and no fun at all. Eventually I was fired, but that's another story.

I think Kara represents the type of person I would be if, god forbid, I were ever given authority in a work environment. I would want everything to be perfectly egalitarian, everyone relating as friends. I would ignore the rules, and I would encourage subversive behavior just for the hell of it. And, this is why nobody will ever put me in charge of a business..